checklist

1. baby clothes washed, sorted, put away--check.

2. car seat ready and waiting--check.

3. hospital suitcase packed--check.

4. due date reached--check.

5. due date passed--check, check, check, check.

6. eat massive amounts of fresh pineapple--check. i think i'm single handedly supporting the economy of hawaii right now.

7. eat spicy food--no. i already have heartburn like the fire of a thousand suns. unless i'm looking to create an
alternate exit point for baby from my esophagus clear through my chest cavity i'll give this one a pass.

8. non-stress test to make sure baby is still a-ok--check. clearly a little too happy in there.

9. try "get baby out the same way baby got in"--check. and that's all i'm gonna say about that.

10. wash all the lower cabinets of my kitchen in a deep squat--check. and they really needed it.

11. bounce on the exercise ball--che-che-che-che-check.

12. relax and tell baby we're all prepared for her grand entrance--check.

13. cry and pout and yell because i'm not in labor yet--check.

14. calm acceptance of the fact that baby comes when it's ready and my only job is just to let her keep baking right now-
-check.

15. furious flip-flopping between #13 and #14 --check. 

16. paint toenails so they look lovely whilst i push--check. (not an easy feat...haha "feat")

17. take a ride on a bumpy road, eat chinese/italian/hot dogs, drink castor oil, etc...--uh, no. thanks, but no.

18. teach kids to answer the phone and say "no, mommy hasn't had the baby yet"--check.
19. continue to wait--chhhheeeeeecccckkkkkkkk.......... :o(