Tuesday, May 29, 2012

1 @ 12, 5 @ 12

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12 is a big turning point.

12 months is the completing of a year. we don’t usually say “my baby is 12 months”. we say “my baby is 1”.

……

no matter how much we may not want to say it.

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my baby…is one.

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can i call her a baby anymore? that’s been the subject of much debate around here.

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because if she isn’t my baby…who is?

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and no, i don’t think i can live without a baby, thankyouverymuch.

but this one who’s one isn’t the only one.

because this one…

 

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is also twelve. 12. one-two. tuh-welllve. as in—really, REALLY not my baby. as in—her official “last year of childhood”. as in—next up, the teens.

kelle at enjoying the small things just wrote a beautiful, poignant post about the happy-sads. and that’s how i feel—happysad.
i love the person she’s becoming—the woman. it’s amazing to me. before i had children i would look at women interacting with their grown children and wonder…how do they not walk around in a perpetual state of “i can’t believe this person came out of me.”
and sure, now that i have children i realize well, duh, you can’t walk around in that state of amazement and amusement non-stop. but yes, there’s definitely moments when you think i can’t believe this person—this grown up child-adult came out of me.

and i already waxed poetic last week about her growing up and the stages we’re reaching so i won’t go crazy again here. but let me just say—so far, i’m enjoying the ride. and i don’t WANT to hear about “wait for the teen years” or “you’ll see when she turns 13” because i’m not sticking my head in the sand like it’s not gonna happen—but i LOVE this child and i’m excited and happysad to experience growing up with her.

i don’t want to dread the future, i want to embrace it. because all periods of growth are exciting and scary and messy and dangerous—even when you’re an adult.

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so there they are. my #1, and my #5. my engine and my caboose. the one that made me a mother, and the one that (hopefully??) closed out my child-bearing years.

yes, there’s much of the happysads around the googiehaus.

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