time flies when you’re having fun.

last week i fell victim to what i affectionately call A Sewing ADD Day.

meaning, in a short while i sewed a dozen HST for my quilt, gave that up and made covers for 4 of my living room pillows…errr, make that 3. i never finished the 4th, because then i gave that up and made a dress for elliot.

by the time i got to the dress i managed to get myself slightly under control—and by that i mean i forced myself to finish the dang thing, so i would have accomplished at least ONE thing in total for the day. it’s the little things, right?

but in my defense—this dress has been in the pinboard of my mind for quite a while now. the fabric in my stash, the idea pinned and the truth is i’m going through a bit of a…”thing” right now.

here, let’s talk. (pats seat beside me) i need a good sharing sesh, k?

see, elliot is our last baby. she is two now, on the cusp of full-blown toddlerhood: weaned, potty-trained, speaking in sentences. you get the drift. and i find myself kicking and screaming and clawing at the last vestiges of babyhood.
picture the wile e. coyote hanging on the edge of the cliff, with the road runner pecking at his fingers.
in this metaphor i’m wile e., the cliff = babies, stupid road runner = time.

i’ve always hated that road runner.

i’m not going down without a fight. i can’t. the thought that no new googiebaby will ever cross our threshhold makes my eyes tear, my heart hurt and my uterus ache.

nevermind that we simply can NOT have another—for reasons practical, emotional, physical, financial, spiritual, mental…it has nothing to do with that. i am a baby lover through and through, and no matter how i may love a niece or nephew or grandbaby it will never again be MY baby. (although i’ve been assured that grandbabies are simply awesome. we’ll see. i have a ways to go yet.)

in the meantime i embrace elliot’s remaining wisps of babyhood with a fervor. my manic brain has fixated, of all things, on clothes. i have pinned scores of adorable dresses and ideas, and—while many of them can easily work for older kiddos, a lot of them are for babies. or in my head i’ve pictured it on a baby. bubble rompers? this, my friends, is my last summer of bubble rompers.

hold on, i need a tissue. and maybe a stiff drink.

this rapidly concluding august is also marking the rapidly approaching conclusion of my time as the momma of a fat-bellied knock-kneed chubby-wristed little. and i’m having a bit of a hard time with that.

so you see why when my brain wanders whilst i sew and all these ugly thoughts start in my head, i quickly toss aside quilts and pillows in favor of faux smocking and short sundresses. in my head i’m running out of time! i never did this! or this! i wanted to make this! and crochet this! and sew this!

because, this:

this is one of them. the mock smock frock done by danielle of my sparkle has been in my head, destined to be paired with this 1/2 yard of blue and pink shirt weight plaid for over a year now. and in another couple of weeks both shirt weight and a 1/2 yard aren’t going to cut the mustard.

so it was now or never no time like the present make hay while the sun shines. and really, the dress was simple enough. i cut a big wide section of the fabric—just about 1 1/2 times 1/2 the circumference of her chest.
and while that all sounds good and technical, what it really means is that i took a piece of pom trim i had laying next to me from my recently abandoned pillow sewing, wrapped it around e’s chest where she lay on the couch and marked it with my fingers, then eyeballed half and stuck a pin in, held it to my fabric and went another half of that further for my length.

so…yeah. 1.5x 1/2 the circumference.

then i smocked. or mock smocked. for the actual instructions i’ll send you over to danielle’s tutorial. she’s got photos and everything.

i started roughly in the center and worked out on each side. i kept adding columns of smocking until the piece was just about the size of my Official Pom Trim Measuring Apparatus. add a shirred elastic thread back and a skirt using the rest of the fabric and it was done.

getting some decent pics, however…

elliot was game. she was getting candy to sit on the horse and say cheese? yeehaw. and then in that incredibly perverse way that only two year olds and women at certain times of the month have, she suddenly decided NO. meltdown of epic proportions.

seriously. with tears and snot and everything. and then it worked itself out and she climbed on the horse and had a skittle and all was right with the world.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

she even rode side saddle for a bit. fancy girl.

so where does that leave us?

well, first of all: i’m a little bit in love with this dress.
and i did spaghetti straps, which i’ve been doing a lot of lately because i was SOOO scurred of them and in awe of people who could do them, and then it turns out they’re not too hard. but we’ll talk about that later.

and yes, i fully realize that she could wear this dress at 3 or 4 or 8 or even 20 because it’s just THAT CUTE. but this was a baby dress in my head, so on my baby it shall be.

and my other issues? well, i had a stern talk with myself the other day. and i reminded myself of this: if i spend too much time worrying over how fast it’s going, or lamenting the babies i no longer have…well, i’m missing out on the awesome KIDS i do have.
i can’t cry over the past and neglect the present, right? there is so much FUN ahead of us. we have kids—with thoughts and opinions, who we can talk to! and they talk back! and say funny things and make us laugh! baby is just one part of it. and certainly not even the best part.

the baby times were fun. hard, yes, but fun. i’m going to miss them. always. i’ll never be the lady giving you dirty looks when your baby cries in a restaurant/airplane/otherwise awkward area. no…i’ll be the creepy lady eyeballing your baby a little too hard and saying things like “if you need to use the bathroom i’ll hold her for you. you can trust me, i have five of my own.”

for reals. you can. i just wouldn’t go too far if i were you. ;)

i do still wish i made that baby got bach shirt, though…

i’m such a good wife.

my entire life i’ve been a Reader—anytime, anywhere, any lighting. i’d sneak books in my bed, reading by the light from the hallway. and so, my entire life i’ve had people saying to me “you’re going to ruin your eyes!”

guess what. turns out eventually they were right.

i need glasses now. boo. well, sometimes boo. because sometimes they can be cute, too. so when firmoo contacted me about trying out some of their glasses i was like YEE-HAW!
digging on that hipster nerd look? they got you covered. want something more classic? yup, they got it. even sunglasses.

but.

i’m not the only glasses wearer in the house—my mister’s eyes are about 1000x worse than mine. and when firmoo contacted me about reviewing glasses, he was more in need of some new pairs than i was. so, i let him have it, err…them.



yup. i’m totally the best wife.

i <3 nerds with glasses and bowties

okay—pros: these glasses are nice. just as nice as any pair we’ve gotten for him locally. they came in hard cases, with a little kit for repairs. shipping was fast, and the biggest thrill—the price was AWESOME. compared to what we normally pay for his glasses this was a HUGE savings (although these 2 pairs were given to us for review purposes, we did figure out what the cost would have been).

he’s been wearing these two pairs every day for a few months now, and they’re just as nice as when he got them. seriously—dude is blind without glasses, they go on first thing in the morning and don’t come off until he’s going to sleep at night. jeremy has an astigmatism in one eye, so each lens is very different. the prescription was perfect.

cons:  honestly i can’t really think of any real cons. the only thing that was a little hairy was the whole process of entering all his prescription info and measuring his eyes. we couldn’t get the “virtual try-on” to work for us, so we based our choices on just the measurements and descriptions of the glasses on the site. we usually have a terrible time finding glasses for jeremy—he’s almost 6’4, and a big guy. most men’s glasses seem a little…smallish on him. but it completely worked—these glasses fit him perfectly. and in my honest opinion i think the ordering process is something that will be more difficult the first time and NBD every successive time you order from firmoo.

also a con—having to force him to take these photos. he did not want to. at all. stinker. and then he gave me a straight face in every shot. so i made him laugh. i don’t even remember what we were laughing about, but i love these shots (even though his eyes are closed). ;)
bottom line? i absolutely recommend firmoo for glasses. if you know or have your prescription definitely give them a try. for the price it’s worth taking the chance, even if you’re nervous about ordering glasses online and not being able to try them on first. srsly.
got more questions? check out firmoo’s f.a.q. HERE.
disclosure: we were provided two pairs of glasses at no cost for review. but all opinions are my own, and i would never recommend or endorse a product i didn’t trust and believe in! true story.

the handmade revolution

FAIR WARNING: long post and huge soapbox ahead. continue at your own risk.
this is not where this post was going to go when i made these dresses.



this is not where this post was going to go when i posted the photo on instagram.



this is not where this post was going to go when i took the photos of my girls wearing these dresses.



but somewhere along the line things changed. and this post became something completely different.
here’s the thing: these dresses were inspired by the dresses made by jessica at dreamcatcher baby. and i had all intentions of saying that in the original post—credit where it’s due.



i competed against jessica in sewvivor, and she did awesome. she was selling these adorable baby girl dresses and coordinating boy bowties at the time, and shortly after sewvivor ended her dresses got picked up and “pinned” by a big name blogger…and the rest was history. jessica’s business has virtually (literally and figuratively) exploded over the last few months. she’s got pre-orders, pre-sales, dresses that sell out as fast as her two little hands can make them (whilst juggling a husband, young son and newborn baby boy).
and rightly so: her dresses are impeccably made, and her fabric choices and pattern mixing is top notch. the bows on the fronts of the dresses always have the pattern perfectly centered—a little detail a fellow seamstress can appreciate. it speaks to an extra minute or two spent planning, rather than just churning these bad boys out as fast as she possibly can—chopping that fabric whichever way gets the most cuts out of each yard.

unfortunately, the supply/demand ratio and the popularity of her dresses make their price out of my reach.
fortunately, i sew.
so i made my own version of her adorable dresses for my littles. what i planned on doing was posting about them with a link to her shop for anyone interested.

no tutorial.

why not?

truth bomb: i’ve copied/been inspired by/whatever you want to call it etsy sellers in the past. sometimes i post the things i make-most times i don’t. there are many things i make that never see the light of blogging. they’re for my own personal enjoyment, and too close to someone’s hard won success in their little shop. i can’t justify telling someone else how to do these things, at the expense of another’s livelihood.


(image source)

but then that raises the question: where’s the line? when is it okay to say “hey i copied this from XYZ shop and here’s a tutorial to make your own” and when is it not? because isn’t that like…80% of what’s blogged?

in the blogging world it seems like a rather unspoken rule that that copy-and-paste type inspiration is okay if you’re taking from the big guys: the anthropologies, the pottery barns, the west elms. but not from the little guys: the etsy sellers, the big cartel sellers, the independent pattern makers.
i admit—this is kind of the line i follow to. but why is that okay? i’m not being smart—i genuinely want to know why and when this is okay. is it because we’re taking from a faceless “big corporation” vs. just one or two or three people working in the back bedroom of their suburban home?

and then the reverse comes in to play: the accusations of stores like urban outfitters ripping off the hard work and content of etsy sellers. (go ahead and google…there’s a ton of it out there).

when i see a must-have pillow at Big Store selling for $45 i think hey, i could do that in my home for $5 worth of supplies, and tell other people how to do it on my blog! when i see a cute or funny printable on etsy for $20+ i think hey, i could do that on photoshop in my bed and print it out and it’s costing me like 50 cents for paper and ink …and not show anyone.

again: stick it to the Big Stores, protect the little guy.

same with dream catcher baby’s dresses: i love them. but they are far out of my reach—especially for two (or three…or four…) of them. and here’s the part where i have drop another brutal truth bomb, knowing that jessica may well read this—they’re really very basic sundresses…empire waist, full skirt, bow on bodice. any home sewist with basic knowledge can make it on their own quickly and easily. my first dress from measurements to finished hem took just over an hour—while i did 10 other things in the meantime. and i did a similarly shaped dress last summer—same basic idea, just without the big bow on the front.

but that’s really beside the point, isn’t it?
the reality is ease of creation < how much people are willing to pay.

(image source)

the fact that i can make this dress myself cheaper than i can buy one from her basically has nothing to do with the dresses jessica is successfully selling. because as long as there are people out there willing to fork over the money for a Dream Catcher Baby original, then she’s fine.

but then…again i ask—where’s the line? if i post a tutorial showing how to make an easy high waisted, full skirted sundress, am i stealing from her? what if i add a bow to the front? what if i make the bow and dress two different fabrics? at what point am i “stealing” from her? and how much do i have to change to make it “mine”? and is it different if i open up my own etsy shop and sell something similar?

+

so what prompted all this? well, jessica had quite the blowup on her instagram account not long ago. the pictures have since been deleted—and i don’t blame her. a comment from one person along the lines of “i wish you weren’t so expensive and i wish i had money” spiraled out of control—people attacking her prices and people defending her work.

the one comment that really got to me was someone who said basically “i can make 2 or 3 of these dresses at home for the price she’s charging.”

i’ll admit it—when i saw what she’s getting for these dresses i almost choked. whoa!

but let’s stop and think about it for a second: yes. you or i can run out to the fabric store and buy the yard of fabric and fat quarter and (using a coupon OF COURSE) whip up one or two of these dresses for a mere what…$6? go crazy—buy designer—$12?

so we can sniff down our noses at the etsy sellers and their foolish customers and post comments like “bah. made it myself for 1/32nd of the price you fools are paying.”

but now…what if someone wants to pay you to make one for their daughter.

well now. suddenly you are spending your time picking just the right fabrics for her daughter. and sewing for her daughter. and pressing it and packaging it and mailing it. oh, wait. now you’re in it for $18 or $20 with shipping because boxes and pretty tissue paper don’t grow on trees…and you still didn’t charge anything for your time. cause you’re nice like that.

and now everyone LOVES your two dresses. and LOTS of people want them. yayyyy me! kermit arms all over! so now you’re buying bolts of fabric and storing them in your home, and your sewing machine and your serger are churning away for hours each day…oops—gotta get them serviced at $100 each—and you’re spending hours listing each dress on etsy and driving to the post office and communicating with Susie from Nebraska who wants this one for her sister’s wedding but can you make the bow a little bigger and can the fabric be a touch bluer and can i have it in 3 days? and then etsy takes a cut. and paypal

takes a cut. and uncle sam takes a cut.

how much is your time worth? because after you dish out for ALL of that, you still have yourself to pay. this isn’t charity. this isn’t dressing other people’s children out of the kindness of your heart.
ask yourself: what do i make at my job per hour? why should a seamstress’ time be worth any less?
sewing isn’t some magical art. this isn’t sleeping beauty, i don’t have a magic wand to conjure up dresses with. it’s real HARD, frustrating, tiring WORK. you get cramped hands from cutting, painful sewer’s back from leaning over your machine for hours, a tired brain from figuring and measuring and all.the.math.



if you can do it yourself—rock on with your bad self. i can, and i did. but if you can’t, and you’d like me to do it for you—THIS is how much it will cost. and if you don’t like that well then have a nice day no hard feelings.



if you want to scoff at a handmade dress because you can buy a dress at walmart for $8 then go ahead and go to walmart and buy your $8 dress. maybe you want to take a look at the non-monetary ‘cost’ of that dress before you get up on that high horse you’re riding, though.

because guess what—jessica can make 2 or 3 of these dresses FOR HERSELF very easily too. but if you want her to give up her free time—her time spent with her babies and man—her time spent watching dvr’d reruns and double fisting popcorn in her sweats on the couch—then THIS is how much it will cost you. and she shouldn’t have to apologize for that.

truth bomb #3: i’m as guilty as the next seamstress of under valuing myself. when people ask me to do work and offer to pay me i mentally tally up hours and then tell them a number…much less. and that’s why i find myself sewing for people late at night, hand stitching things for what amounts to $3 or $5 per hour. would you work for that? my husband just gave my sewing-freely-for-others-self the smackdown. no more, he said. at least for now. i’ve taken on too many things and stressed myself out over them too much lately.

alida makes wrote a post about this a few weeks ago. it’s a good read.

sooo…where do we go from here? i’m curious what your thoughts are on the matter. let’s talk.

disclaimer: if i’ve ever sewn for you…know that i did it happily and enjoyed doing it. i’m not talking about you, or us, in any of this. :)

easy as vintage pie

a couple of months ago melly of the amazing melly sews asked if i would join in the fun of her 30 days of sundresses again this year—and of course i said YES! (SERIOUSLY—the girl is ah-mazing. from her pattern making and publishing, to her techie tutorials and drafting services and sewing abilities and series coordinating…melly, you make me want to be a better person.)

maybe you remember my offering from last year—the lettuce hem maxi dress. it was easy enough…but i wondered if i could do something even easier this time around!

well looky here. an even easier sundress. and i think i may like it even better than last years (which, as a sidepoint—also the last time i sewed for myself i believe.shameful.)

okay, so a lot of us busty gals cry about knits. i know i do! those cute woven shirtdresses are a serious no-go when you’re bigger than a b-cup. but the truth is that knits are a chesty chicks BFF. it’s approximately one bazillion times easier to make something that fits you from knit than woven materials. and if you’re starting with an already made tank? two bazillion times ;)

so, that’s what i did. i started with a basic tank. but when it comes to me + dresses + modesty i feel neck showing + shoulders = no bueno. it’s kind of a one or the other thing. why? i dunno. just how i feel. shoulders + neck = hussy. so i hacked off the bottom of my tank and used it to fill in the neck, creating an asymmetrical collar thingy. then i added a new waistband, which i shirred with elastic thread in the back, and a full skirt with pockets. it slips on over my head—no zippers or buttons to worry about, and i can wear it with or without the belt.

basically…i kind of love it.

now of course, as usual, i wanted to take nice bright photos and work up a photographed step by step tutorial…nope. with five kiddos home all day for summer break it’s just not happening. all the sewing is happening at night.

and all the finished-product-picture-taking is occurring in the rain. oops.

so i made the executive decision to break out the old drawing skillzzz for this tutorial, which i believe may turn out to be infinitely better. for o1) now i can just sew and take notes and go illustrate later, making the sewing process faster and more enjoyable for moi, and (possibly more importantly) o2) i can illustrate myself with the pouty lips and long luscious eyelashes i’ve always wanted. kiss, kiss. mwah.lets get serious: this is crazy stupid easy. from start to finish, with no clear plan (just a vague idea), and taking notes as i went—this took me about 2 1/2 hours.

SUPPLIES
one tank top
2 yards of any kind of matching fabric
coordinating thread and elastic thread
optional: buttons for top and a belt if ya wanna.

i used a red $4 tank from old navy, and this super soft “good fortune” by kate spain for moda that i’ve been hoarding for oooh…maybe a year or so! this could easily be modified using a tank with sleeves if you want even more coverage. and this would translate easily into a girl’s dress too!

INSTRUC-TEY-ON-EHS

* i use a 1/2” seam allowance whenever it matters.

slip on your tank and mark with a pin or fabric marker a point under your bust. don’t stretch the tank, just mark where it naturally settles.

REMOVE THE TANK before proceeding. <---super important

1/2” below your mark cut the tank off in a straight line.

not this crazy wavy line i drew. not sure why i did that.

cut off the hem of the tank also. the hem is lovely, but we don’t need it. discard it. or, ummm…make a bow for your cat.

waste not, want not.

take that middle section of your tank and cut it open at one side seam, trimming off the seam/stitching from the area.

refold it long ways, right sides together, and stitch the short ends closed. clip the corners and turn it right side out. give it a press. this is now your collar piece.

to attach it to the tank top—start about 1/4 of the way up on one side of the neckline. stretch and pin the new collar piece, right sides together, raw edge of collar to neck of shirt, all the way arouuunnnd the collar, back where you started, and overlapping a bit.

i found it easier to pin the beginning, pin the end (overlapping where i began by about 2”) and then stretch and ease the rest of the neckline/collar pieces together.

sew them together with a stretch stitch or small zigzag. flip the collar up into position, press the seam allowance down and top stitch around the edge.

i tried it on at this point and fiddled with the collar a bit. once i got it laying how i wanted i tacked it in place.

now the waistband:

measure just under your bust.

now take a realllly, REALLY deep breath and check the measurement again.
divide that number in half, add 1” and that’s the length of the front half of your waistband.
that number in half plus 6” is the length of the back half of your waistband.

that 6” you’re adding is to give you the space you need to slip the dress off and on. if your bust to underbust measurements are significantly large (and i mean really, REALLY large. because mine is pretty large. so you must be a boobie monster)  you may need to increase it a smidge. i can wiggle myself into this—it’s not loose, but i’m not worried about busting stitches—and i have about a 7” difference between the fullest part of my bust vs. just under my bust.

i made my waistband 6” high, making it about 5” finished size. i kind of wish i had done it at 5”, giving me 4” finished size. look in the mirror with your tape measure and see what you think looks best.

so let’s say you measure 30” around just under your bust. then you take a deeep breath and it’s 32”. you’d cut one piece at 17”x6” (half + 1”)  and one piece 22”x6” (half + 6”). got it?

save yourself some trouble later and mark the center of each waistband piece, top and bottom. just fold it in half and put a little snip in.

now, we shirr.

wind the elastic thread on your bobbin. why yes, i do put my bobbin on my machine and hold the thread in my hand and wind it that way. most people say to wind it by hand. i’m a rebel. plus i’m impatient. ain’t nobody got time for dat. if you need more help on sewing with elastic thread, there are good references HERE and HERE.

sew lines of shirring across the length of your longer waistband piece. i did 10 rows of shirring spaced approx. 3/8 of an inch apart. that gave me about 3/4" seam allowance top and bottom.

then sew your waistband pieces together at the side seams, right sides together.

hmmm…sew at side seams. possible sewing blog name?

now you’re going to sew your waistband to your top. match up the side seams and the center front and center back (remember those little snips i told you to put in?)

you’ll probably have to ease the tank into the front a bit, and ease the waist band into the tank back a bit. remember: you want to attach the tank top ABOVE the first row of shirring! you want the tank and the waistband to all stretch when you’re putting the dress on!

press your seam allowance up and top stitch. use a stretch stitch or a long straight stitch and gently stretch the fabric as you do this.SKIRT
cut two pieces of fabric: width of fabric x whatever length you want plus about 3” for  hem and seam allowance. better to go a little longer—you can always hem it shorter but it’s harder to add fabric back on. i cut my pieces 27” long.

again—mark the center of your back and front skirt pieces with a small snip.

if you want pockets cut out 4 pocket pieces also. what shape are pocket pieces? glad you asked. go HERE to see my instructions on pockets.sew your pocket pieces to your skirt, and your skirt sides together. run a gathering stitch around the top of the skirt.

i like splitting my gathering stiches into 4 sections—side seam to front center, then to the other side, then side to back center, and back center to the other side. i find it’s easier to control my gathering if it’s divided up a little more.once your skirt is gathered to the same size as your top, fit them right sides together, lining up your center marks and side seams.

sew the skirt and top together. remember to sew the skirt to the waistband in the back BELOW the last row of shirring, so the skirt will stretch when you slip your dress on.
i generally do at least two rows of stitching on the waist, just for safety’s sake ;)
press your seam allowance down, and finish it off however you desire (pinking shears, overlock, leave it be…whatever floats your boat.)

last steps: hem that bad boy and give it a final press. i do a 1/4” turn up and press, then a 2” turn up and stitch down so there’s no raw edges.
i put two buttons on the collar just for looks, but that’s totally optional.

thus concludes your sundress tutorial, as illustrated by googiemomma. i’m available for commission illustration work, fyi.

stick a fork in it cause that trash is done.
maybe not a fork. that’s weird. plus you did a lot of hard work. bare minimum: high five yourself.

i didn’t initially intend for this to have such a vintage look. but i guess a full-skirted sundress just kind of gravitates towards a vintage look. i don’t mind..add a big high sock bun and red lips for days and there you have it: one super simple sundress.

i am yelling at myself: STAND UP STRAIGHT!!!

sorry for the wonky colors in these pics—my camera was very unhappy with the bright reds + dull grey bricks + overcast skies. and it literally started pouring as soon as we got out of the car. as you can see in the above shot.

one last sidepoint: i had another spot in mind for photos, but ran out of time in the morning and didn’t get to go until after my kiddo’s dentist appointments (yes, i went to the dentist like this. i felt so 50’s housewifey). and by the time we left elliot was an hour late for her nap and the meltdown clock was ticking. so we went right across the street to the now-empty old walmart building. i thought the grey bricks and green grass would be cool.
well, i was right…the backdrop was fine. HOWEVER. i think we found the local drunk hangout, because the smell of pee was so unbelievably overwhelming that it was all we could do to get these quick shots before taking off. it was TERRIBLE.

which is also why i have to cut my face off in most of these shots. it’s me, throwing up in my mouth. blerg.

MELLY—thanks so much for letting me join the SUMMER SUNDRESS SERIES again! it’s so much fun! all you readers—have you checked out all the other awesome sundress action happening over there? you should!!

dear 24 month sleep regression: i kinda want to punch you in the face.

the following is a mainly true account. no names have been changed, because no one is presumed innocent.

8:00 pm – the bedtime ritual starts. clean diaper, jammies on. she is in agreement—“big gul bed!”
8:30  – daddy handles actual bedtime. prayers, tucked in. it begins.
8:35  – she’s up. back to bed.
8:40  – STOP TALKING AND GO TO SLEEP.
9:00  – late night walmart trip for emergency sneakers for harrison (field day tomorrow)
9:30 – guinevere calls our cells. are you coming home soon? elliot won’t stop crying. she won’t sleep.
10:00 – we return home. guinevere is asleep on the couch, elliot is tucked in next to her, bright eyed and watching doc mcstuffins.
10:05  – back to bed. goodnight.
10:06  – PLEASE STOP CRYING YOU’RE GOING TO WAKE UP YOUR SISTERS.
10:10-10:30  – 4 story books read. okay, night night. that’s it.
10:35 – PLEASE STOP CRYING.
10:45 – tiny footsteps coming down the hall. she’s carrying five books and crying. “i told” (translates to “i’m cold”, which really means “i’m hot”. she’s got the concept, a little hazy on the finer points.)
10:47 – back to bed.
10:55 – she WON’T STOP CRYING.
11:00 – bring her in our bed. 3 hours in and she’s won her first major skirmish.
11:01-11:30 – wide awake and talking. lay down, elliot. nigh-night, elliot. QUIET, elliot.
11:30 – shhh…i think she’s sleeping. so long as i lay here on my back next to her with my arm around her in such a way that guarantees a painful nights sleep for me. and don’t move. or breath.
1:30 am – she wakes up crying. for me. i’m right here next to you, elliot. she cries anyway. she finally settles when we are totally face to face, noses touching, her leg over me and her arm wrapped around my neck.
1:50 am – i think she’s sleeping again.
3:00 – she’s crying. again. i’ve dared to move my arm and try and turn on my back. NOT ACCEPTABLE.
4:30 – she’s hot. she’s mastered the maneuver where they lift their legs straight up then flop them down, pulling the blankets down with them. which means pulling the blankets off of us. i’m cold. and i can’t feel my arm anymore.
6:00 am – she’s awake. i can’t ignore her because clearly they’ve made some sort of evil pact and now the dog needs to go out. when i get back in bed she wants to talk.
6:10 am – i’ve settled her back into our 1:30 am position. go to sleep.
6:20 – i think she’s sleeping. her eyes are closed, her breathing deep
6:25 – i hear scary movie music in my head when her eyes suddenly pop open.“what dat noise, mommy?”
6:30 – that’s it. i’ve had enough. i’m tired and i’m turning over to my comfy spot. back to elliot, pillow between my legs, blankets pulled up. i’m a mountain. i’m unmovable. i’m tough.
6:31-6:40 – she cries.
6:41 – she turns into a cat. she climbs on me, meowing and pawing me. i’m mentally writing this blog post.
6:45 – i give in. i turn on the tv. please, for the love of all things sleep related—WATCH OCTONAUTS AND LET ME SLEEP.
8:00 – i wake. at some point we both fell back asleep. she’s sprawled across 70% of the bed like a capital “X” of toddler limbs.

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i don’t have a “what to expect from your baby/toddler/school-age child/pre-teen/teen” book in my home library. i’m a little more granola and crunchy than that--more of a go-with-the-flow kinda parent, embracing each challenging week or growing week as they come. you’ll roll when you roll, walk when you walk, talk when you talk. no pressure. i’m the mom who says “man, you’ve been one miserable baby the last few days”, and suddenly notices a new tooth poking out. huh. that explains that.

but last week i found myself googling “sleep regression in 2 year old” at 2:30 in the morning because please PLEASE let this be a “thing” because if it’s a “thing” then she’ll grow out of this “thing” because i seriously CAN NOT TAKE IT MUCH LONGER.

this lady likes her sleep and i won’t apologize. i’m a champion sleeper. if napping was a sport i’d be olympic level. #truestory

and moonrise kingdom wasn’t bad movie, but watching it from 1am-3am with your wide awake 2 year old? not my idea of fun.

sometimes when we’re not sleeping we pretend to crochet with mommy’s narn.

anyway, turns out it is a “thing”. 4 months, somewhere between 8-10 months, 18 months and 24 months. bada bing—sleep regression.

now the truth is that if i googled “sleep regression in 33 month old great dane born on the east coast in a leap year” i’d probably get 1.67 million hits in .023 seconds. but i think i believe this one, and i’ll tell you why.

first, i read the description of the 24 month old sleep regression: multiple delay tactics for going to bed, wide awake late, waking up multiple times through the night, waking early, and the odd thing—napping well. check check check check. all of it. the bed that is anathema at night time? she can not WAIT to jump in at naptime…settles in and falls to sleep like it’s her job.
the second clincher: i can’t remember 4 months or somewhere between 8-10 months, but i counted backwards to 18 months and realized that’s right about the time we were in cape cod. when she WOULDN’T SLEEP. we thought maybe it was just being away from home? but she would wake in the middle of the night and scream her head off and flail around like she was possessed. this would go on for 15-20 minutes and nothing calmed her. hello 18 month sleep regression, you rotten jerk. i swear if you had been here you would have seen the lightbulb pop on over my head.

the thing is, i don’t know why this makes it better. but somehow it does. elliot has never been a good sleeper—in fact i’d say she’s the worst out of all five. and that's including harrison who would puke in his crib if i tried letting him cry it out. (future grown harrison: that was so gross. and i wish on you a child who does the same so you may know the grossness first hand) so knowing that this really is a “thing”, a phase she’s going to pass through, makes it a little easier to bear.

before The Great Sleep Regression of ‘13 it felt like we were winning. she was sleeping through the night in her big girl bed. she was happy to go in, book in hand, asleep within minutes, and came toddling in to my room around 7 each morning for some cuddles.

and it all changed on a dime.

and this is also how i know i’m done. because even though my uterus aches when i see a pregnant lady or hold a squishy little baby (samuel, i’m looking at you dude)…i also realize i’m so over the night time thing. i’m ready to sleep solid hours without being woken up by sleep regressions or peepee sheets or whatever. at least…that’s what i’m telling myself.

because deep down there’s still a part of me that just can’t help pulling e into bed with me when she comes in. she snuggles in and pretends to read her book “peetaboo! no, no, no i see you!”, oblivious to the fact that it’s almost midnight and she should have been asleep 3.5 hours ago. instead i sniff her up in all her chubby-wristed-toddler-ness and try to brand it on my memory. this feeling—of your baby who loves you completely wrapped up in your arms—is worth more than gold. or at least worth more than some uninterrupted sleep…