please mr. postman

hi, my name is googiemomma, and i am post office impaired. there. so glad to get that off my chest.

i admit it. i'm confused...baffled...frustrated...SCARED by the post office.

express mail? priority mail? first class mail? delivery confirmation? insurance? my skin breaks out in hives and my heart begins beating quickly. nevermind the fact that it's so vaguely "governmental" in there. in the back of my head is the thought that if i really screw this up it's going to be a federal offense of some sort. there's so many regulations and laws regarding postal service...have i unknowingly violated one? probably.

my usual m.o.: avoid the post office at ALL COSTS. i'm not exaggerating.

a couple of years ago we got our taxes done at the beginning of february--well before the april 15th deadline. it was a good year--we were getting a fairly substantial tax return. guess when i finally made myself take it to the post office to mail? yup, april 15th. i can't be forced into going--not even {literally} for a couple thousand dollars.

when i finally absolutely must go, i hand whatever it is to the postal worker behind the counter.

"i need to send this book/purse/bag of money/flammable item to arkansas/canada/timbuktu." {insert much eyelash batting and sheepish pleading look here}

generally it works. how much of that is due to my eyelashes and facial expressions, and how much is due to it simply being their job to help me, i'm not sure. i'll choose to believe it's the former.

today was the perfect example. i needed to send out the leather clutch i made for my contest winner. i can do this. i'm brave. i'm smart. i'm 30 years old and i can mail something without needing a surrogate mommy to guide me through it.

i headed in and grabbed an envelope. clutch fits inside, check. next, a label. oh good, here's one. domestic and international, check (i'm mailing to canada). filled in the address, headed up to the counter.

and that's where it all started going downhill.
"did you fill out a customs form?"
uh...no.
"take this {long} form, fill it out, come back"
i can do this.
check.
okay, customs form done. address done. back to the counter.
"that will be $20"
me: gaaaahhhh...whaaaa??? errrrr......
WHY?
"well, you have a priority mail label on here."
oh.
huh.
"you want first class? go back, fill out the little customs form, buy a different label, fill out the label, come back. it'll be $2.85"
yes, please.

meanwhile...did you know they sell greeting cards at the post office now? well, apparently they do. and while i'm marching back and forth filling out form after form, little bear picked up a card.
and drew all over it.

forms filled out: 5
forms actually needed: 2
total time spent: 25 minutes
total cost of postage: $2.85
total amount spent (in postage, labels, and one pre-decorated "i'm always there for you" card): almost $8

batting eyelashes and just letting them tell you what to do the first time? priceless.